01. Whats your name? Kat
02. Age, Birthday? 16
03. Form of SI? Cutting, scratching, sometimes starving myself for as long as i can,
04. Why do you SI? i feel good when i cut myself. all the pain that i am feeling disappears. sometimes, something triggers me to do it, something that i feel bad about. i have to cut in order to relieve pain.
05. When was your first time? What did you use? when i was in my last year in secondary school and first year of high school i started scratching myself until my skin was pink, and it would scar really badly, on my wrists - when i was in my freshman year ( 9 ) i started cutting myself on my thighs because i knew that nobody will see them there, occasionally and with long time intervals. it got worse and i continued cutting. trying to stop, but it hurt so much, so much when i didn't cut.
06. Where do you most often SI? i cut myself on my thigh, and on my ankles because it was easy to hide with socks - i cut on my arm and wrist as well
07. In what room/area do you most often SI? i cut myself in the bathroom, or in my bedroom
08. What do you use? i use razor blades
09. Do you hide it? i do. but people don't notice because they are faded. and i try so hard to stop myself. and even if they do notice something, i am very good at changing the topic.
10. Do you listen to music while you SI? i don't.
11. Anyone know? i told a person i know online, whom i really trust and love dearly, also 2 people found out, I don't like that they found out because of their reaction and because they don't understand me.
12. Eating Disorders? i used to not eat, for days on end, at the time i didn't cut myself. but i haven't done any extreme starvation in a very long time. so i don't have an eating disorder.
13. Mental Disorders? i guess you have to be pretty messed up to hurt yourself intentionally. and hurting yourself to relieve the pain that you are already feeling, and to stop the constant sadness in your head, is already pretty fucked up. i haven't been diagnosed because i didn't tell anyone how i feel. i know that they will judge me and look at me like i am a freak. i don't want that.
14. What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend? i would share my secret with her and i would try to cope. and help her to get through what she is going through. i would tell her that, its okay, and i won't ask you to stop hurting yourself, because i know how you feel and i know it fucking hurts to breathe every day when you want to just.. and i would tell her that she is not alone. and that she can come to me any time, and that i won't ever judge her for anything.
but first, i would tell her, that i loved her, so much.