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I am sorry in advance if anyone is offended by this [04 Feb 2016|12:30am]

weirdofromsocal
[ mood | Severely Depressed ]

So I am new to Livejournal, and it def. has an interface that I am not used to yet, so I hope this comes out okay. And I really hope that I do not offend anyone here...I am just trying to be honest and do not know where else I can talk about this kind of situation.
As you read my entry, you ought to quickly see that my situation is different that most of yours, so I won't really follow the set of 14 questions like most of you have done; instead, I will just give a lil introduction about myself and why I felt the need to join and post in the Pro SI page.

My name is Randy. I am a 29 year old male from Southern California. I don't really do any intentional self-harm or anything (besides things like punching wall studs as hard as I can when I get angry), but I do have an unusual interest in it. To put it simply, I would say that it is a fetish, but really it goes beyond the sexual connotation that the word 'fetish' implies; therefore, I really do not know what to call it. I am not trying to come off as a pervert or anything (which I very well might actually be *shrugs*), so I won't post details or anything about it right now; however, I will say that I group it under a large Sadomasochism category of interests I have, including things involving ED's and SI.
A lil about my psyche: While undiagnosed, I strongly believe that I have lived most of my life battling Dysthymia. Since I spent so many years of that going unchecked, I believe that It lead me to develop symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, with bouts of moderate-severe depression starting during my early-mid teens. Now, almost 30, and since I let all of that go unchecked, the depression bouts are worse and more frequent; as well as, I think I may be showing early signs of Bipolar Disorder.
Well anyways, thank you for hearing me out. If anyone would like to chat, feel free to comment or message me. I'm just looking for people that I can talk to, and be 100% honest, without feeling ashamed or judged. :/

[break the silence]

New. [01 Feb 2016|09:19pm]
victimiseme
[ mood | depressed ]

01. Whats your name?: ~
02. Age, Birthday?: 18, 10/03/1997
03. Form of SI?: Cutting, scratching, bruising and biting.
04. Why do you SI?: Self hatred, mainly.
05. When was your first time? What did you use?: When I was 10? I used a kitchen knife.
06. Where do you most often SI?: My wrists and thighs.
07. In what room/area do you most often SI?: Bedroom, bathroom or school toilets.
08. What do you use?: Sharpener blade, scissors, knife.
09. Do you hide it?: Yes.
10. Do you listen to music while you SI?: No.
11. Anyone know?: My parents knew but didn't do much about it. I think most of my friends know.
12. Eating Disorders?: No.
13. Mental Disorders?: I have depression, generalised anxiety, and social anxiety.
14. What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend?: Try to make them feel better and tell them I am always here to listen to them.

1 broken  [break the silence]

First Entry [20 Jan 2016|07:26pm]
misty01
01. Whats your name?: Caoimhe
02. Age, Birthday?: 14
03. Form of SI?: Cutting and occasional bruising
04. Why do you SI?: Self Hatred, I also tend to bottle up my anger...I let it out on myself
05. When was your first time? What did you use?: I think I did it without knowing what it was when I was about 9 or 10, I used to hit my head against the wall and hit my arms with the opposite fist. It never did much though because I was little.
06. Where do you most often SI?: My wrists, my thighs and my stomach.
07. In what room/area do you most often SI?: Bedroom.
08. What do you use?: Sharpener blade, scissors, knife.
09. Do you hide it?: Yes.
10. Do you listen to music while you SI?: Yes.
11. Anyone know?: My parents and friends found out last year and the year before, I stopped until they got off my case which wasn't that hard because they didn't do much about it. Then I started up again late last year.
12. Eating Disorders?: No.
13. Mental Disorders?: I have never been diagnosed but I have taken online tests which say I have severe depression.
14. What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend?: I have found cuts on one of my friends before, and being me (stupid) I went and told a teacher because they wouldn't talk to me about it.
[break the silence]

I'm new so ye [18 Jan 2016|09:09pm]
inkywolf
[ mood | depressed ]

01. Whats your name?: Anna
02. Age, Birthday?: teenager (don't wish to tell), April 12
03. Form of SI?: Cutting, writing phrases on my arms + legs
04. Why do you SI?: To help with depression and release self-hatred, mostly the latter
05. When was your first time? What did you use?: when I was 10, with my nails
06. Where do you most often SI?: Arms, mostly wrists
07. In what room/area do you most often SI?: My room
08. What do you use?: Razor blade
09. Do you hide it?: yeah
10. Do you listen to music while you SI?: not really
11. Anyone know?: nope
12. Eating Disorders?: none
13. Mental Disorders?: severe depression, ADHD and chronic insomnia (i guess that's a disorder i dunno)
14. What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend?: be very surprised because she never gets depressed, try to comfort her to the best of my ability

[break the silence]

Im new here [11 Jan 2016|12:27am]
invoke_emotion
01. Whats your name?: Prince
02. Age, Birthday?: 21, 07 july
03. Form of SI?: Cutting, purging
04. Why do you SI?: To release pain, to numb mind
05. When was your first time? What did you use?: 8, years ago guitar string
06. Where do you most often SI?: Arms
07. In what room/area do you most often SI?: Livingroom
08. What do you use?: Razor blade
09. Do you hide it?: I try to
10. Do you listen to music while you SI?: sometimes
11. Anyone know?: yes
12. Eating Disorders?:Anorexia, Bulimia
13. Mental Disorders?: Yes
14. What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend?: My best friend died September 16th 2015 so yeah
2 broken  [break the silence]

Hi [31 Dec 2015|12:18pm]
jbcutter82
I hope that everybody here has a happy new year! :)
[break the silence]

[01 Jan 2016|12:05am]
nevergoneback
I struggled with self harm and the many beasts inside me for years, years of endless torment and insane torture. It's new year and I want to leave a very old part of me in permanence. I haven't undergone any forms of self injury in a long time and have stopped seeing my psychologist about half a year ago as she was very nice, but also thought she had a super good understanding of my thought processes when In reality she didn't have a clue of how I operate. I have been off Lovan (SSRI) for a really long time now, but I can't remember a lot of the past year or two due to many unimportant things. I want to answer these questions, but they have to be in the past tense to correlate with my life.

Question 7 is basically question is for all intents and purposes question 6 so I replaced it.

01. Whats your name?: Not important
02. Age, Birthday?: 15, not important
03. What were your forms of SI?: Cutting or slicing, scratching and burning. Sometimes bruising.
04. Why did you SI?: Because it was all I had. In the deepest darkest moments of my depression, even my family wouldn't recognise or acknowledge that I was ill. It was my drug of choice and doing it felt so right. Even after all the ruins I built upon and the great self control I have now, there's still some insane part of me locked away that still craves the burning flesh, and the stinging I was so addicted to.
05. When was your first time? What did you use?: The first time was in grade 6, when my signs of mental illness were benign and yet to develop symptoms. I used a the blade from a pencil sharpener to cut my arm.
06. Where did you most often SI?: My bed. I would sit in bed and slice the days away. And then I would sleep for so long, just to be away from the world and for a rest from my suicidal tendencies. And the first thing I felt when I woke, was the dulled stinging of old cuts. I would run my fingers over old scars and feel the crushing reality of my depression. I've only ever slept in tat room once since I recovered and I never plan to again. I would also often self harm at school as for a year I had no friend in the world. I would cut in often cut in class and would cut and burn in break.
07. What was your worst self injury: One rainy day in November I spent the day walking to a very high bridge with the intention of ending my life. On the way there I saw my old girlfriend who wormed her way into my brain and fucked me over psychologically o hard, it took me too long to remember to get over the pain. I couldn't jump. So i ran home and grabbed the knife I used to own and made a large incision on my left forearm, running over many old scars. It bled for so long... I can't quite remember.
08. What did you use?: Razors, knives, rocks, staples, lighters matches, car lighters, push pins, my fists and fingernails. Also I used an intense heatlamp to burn symbols into my flesh.
09. Did you hide it?: Yes, very well.
10. Did you listen to music while you SI?: no
11. Did anyone know?: My parents found out, which made me cut harder and deeper. I loved damaging myself, and damning myself.
12. Eating Disorders?: no
13. Mental Disorders?: I've conquered my depression, but I carry the shrapnel and the scars to this day. My anxiety disorder.. went up in smoke. I hold inside me the psychotic beast. He is the one that holds my primal urges and the power and rage inside me. He is locked away untill he is required.
14. What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend?: I cast my best friend out of my life without realising, one of my regrets. He'd never self harm, and I know this.
[break the silence]

[23 Dec 2015|11:39pm]
marko3142
01. Whats your name?: Marko
02. Age, Birthday?: March 14
03. Form of SI?: Cutting, burning.
04. Why do you SI?: i think i deserve it. my brain just tells me to
05. When was your first time? What did you use?: 3 years ago, push pin
06. Where do you most often SI?: My Legs
07. In what room/area do you most often SI?: Bedroom
08. What do you use?: razors
09. Do you hide it?: yes
10. Do you listen to music while you SI?: not usually
11. Anyone know?: yes
12. Eating Disorders?:yes
13. Mental Disorders?: yes
14. What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend?: Actually cry
[break the silence]

New [17 Dec 2015|05:25pm]
claresi


01. Whats your name?: Clare
02. Age, Birthday?: 16, 8th June
03. Form of SI?: Cutting, hitting.
04. Why do you SI?: To release pain
05. When was your first time? What did you use?: 2 years ago, scissors
06. Where do you most often SI?: legs
07. In what room/area do you most often SI?: my room
08. What do you use?: scissors
09. Do you hide it?: I try
10. Do you listen to music while you SI?: sometimes
11. Anyone know?: yes
12. Eating Disorders?: no
13. Mental Disorders?: no
14. What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend?: Don't have one

4 broken  [break the silence]

[07 Dec 2015|09:43pm]
sha101
01. Whats your name?: ???
02. Age, Birthday?: 25th September
03. Form of SI?: Cutting, burning, hitting
04. Why do you SI?: Reduce stress and anger
05. When was your first time? What did you use?: Razor blades
06. Where do you most often SI?: My room
07. In what room/area do you most often SI?: My room
08. What do you use?: Razor blades
09. Do you hide it?: yes
10. Do you listen to music while you SI?: No
11. Anyone know?: No
12. Eating Disorders?: No
13. Mental Disorders?: depression
14. What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend?: I don't know
[break the silence]

The Stranger [06 Dec 2015|11:07pm]
halflife1
01. Whats your name?: Ziggy
02. Age, Birthday?: 18, 28 Jan.
03. Form of SI?: cutting, bone breaking.
04. Why do you SI?: Anxiety, I hate my body but I'm too much of a pussy to die.
05. When was your first time? What did you use?: I can't remember when I didn't.
06. Where do you most often SI?: Fingers, lips, wrists, toes.
07. In what room/area do you most often SI?: On my bed.
08. What do you use?: Pencil Sharpener blades, box cutter, vice grips.
09. Do you hide it?: If I can.
10. Do you listen to music while you SI?: yep. Earbud hoe.
11. Anyone know?: no.
12. Eating Disorders?: Binge
13. Mental Disorders?: Anxiety, dyslexia
14. What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend?: Don't have enough any.

Mood: Lonely

Music
Rage Against The Machine: Vietnow
[break the silence]

today was sad [06 Dec 2015|10:35pm]

anablood
[ mood | sadsadsad ]

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

1 broken  [break the silence]

[06 Dec 2015|10:30pm]

anablood
[ mood | depressed ]

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

[break the silence]

[04 Dec 2015|02:12am]

searchingbones
01. Whats your name?: soul.
02. Age, Birthday?: 15, dec. 15th
03. Form of SI?: cutting, hitting
04. Why do you SI?: i like pain. i deserve it.
05. When was your first time? What did you use?: today...box cutter
06. Where do you most often SI?: wrists
07. In what room/area do you most often SI?: my room
08. What do you use?: so far, my box cutters
09. Do you hide it?: yeah.
10. Do you listen to music while you SI?: yeah.
11. Anyone know?: no.
12. Eating Disorders?: anorexia, bulimia
13. Mental Disorders?: severe depression
14. What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend?: i dont have any friends
CURRENT MUSIC melanie martinez
[break the silence]

[02 Dec 2015|04:28pm]
thatguy1212
[ mood | depressed ]

01. Whats your name?: John.
02. Age, Birthday?: 16, may 5th.
03. Form of SI?: Cutting, carving, scratching, hitting
04. Why do you SI?: to reduce stress and feel in control of my pain.
05. When was your first time? What did you use?: it was about 10 months ago, and i used a pencil sharpener blade the first time.
06. Where do you most often SI?: shoulder arms and thighs.
07. In what room/area do you most often SI?: My bedroom or bathroom after or before i shower.
08. What do you use?: pencil sharpener blades.
09. Do you hide it?: As much as I can.
10. Do you listen to music while you SI?: No.
11. Anyone know?: my parents and gf.
12. Eating Disorders?: Not really, but I don't eat much in general
13. Mental Disorders?: depression, mild anxiety.
14. What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend?: talk to them about it and show them mine so they know they aren't alone.

[break the silence]

new [01 Dec 2015|10:33am]
ceczlia
[ mood | tired ]

01. Whats your name?: Cecilia.
02. Age, Birthday?: 16, may 9th.
03. Form of SI?: Cutting, trichotillomania (pulling hair out)
04. Why do you SI?: to reduce psychological tension.
05. When was your first time? What did you use?: I've been pulling since I was 11, cutting for about a year and a half. Used a knife the first time.
06. Where do you most often SI?: Wrists and arms.
07. In what room/area do you most often SI?: My bedroom or bathroom.
08. What do you use?: Disposable razors.
09. Do you hide it?: As much as I can.
10. Do you listen to music while you SI?: No.
11. Anyone know?: Two of my friends do, no one else.
12. Eating Disorders?: Not officially, but I don't eat much, just because I don't really have an appetite most of the time.
13. Mental Disorders?: Severe depression, mild anxiety. Not sure if trich counts as a mental disorder.
14. What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend?: Tell them that it's okay that they've done it, and hear them out. I wouldn't want anyone to tell me to stop and tell me about how it doesn't solve anything, so I wouldn't tell my friend.

[break the silence]

im new here [29 Nov 2015|10:30pm]
pplanetclaire
01. What's your name?: Claire
02. Age, Birthday?: 16, April 19
03. Form of SI? Cutting, pinching, ED
04. Why do you SI?: I wish I knew (guilt? shame?)
05. When was your first time? What did you use?:I was in 8th grade, I think I was 13. Disposable razor blades.
06. Where do you most often SI?: I used to do only between my legs, on my thighs and on my hips but im letting them heal so mostly my wrists now
07. In what room/area do you most often SI?: Usually my bedroom, occasionaly my bathroom.
08. What do you use?: Blade from a pencil sharpener
09. Do you hide it?: It depends on the people that I'm around. Usually, yes.
10. Do you listen to music while you SI?: Only The Shins
11. Anyone know?: Yes
12. Eating disorders?: Nothing specific, I just have a really strained relationship with food
13. Mental disorders?: Depression, depressed mood, anxiety, adjustment disorder
14. What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend?: Cry
[break the silence]

[21 Nov 2015|11:58pm]
peircejohnson
[ mood | crappy ]

Name? Peirce ( Im a girl)
Age, Birthday: September 10th
Form of SI: cutting, scratching, hitting, eating disorder
Why do I SI? Terrible pain, guilt, anger
What did i use? Xacto knife
Where do i SI? hips, upper arms, wrist, thighs
In what area do i do it the most? hips
What do i use? Razor blade, desk corner(run my hip into it), and anything that will leave a bruise
Do I hide it? yes
Do I listen to music while i SI? yep, usually metal
Anyone know? yes
Eating Disorder? ednos
Mental Disorder? severe anexity, and seasonal depression

[break the silence]

i'm new to this [21 Nov 2015|07:37pm]
cuttofeel
[ mood | anxious, numb ]

01. What's your name?: Willow
02:Age, Birthday?: 17, 3/19/1998
03:Form of SI?: Cutting, burning, purging, restricting
04:Why do you SI?: To focus all of the pain I feel from everything in my life, into one solid thing, numbing, punishment
05:When was your first time? What did you use?: I was 12, and I used scissors on my ankle
06:Where do you most often SI?: It was my thigh, then my stomach, and now it's mostly my wrist, and it's honestly the best spot to SI
07:in what room/area do you most often SI?: always in my bedroom.
08:What do you use?: an exacto knife. I've used scissors, pencil sharpener blades, broken shaving razors, but this blade cuts the deepest
09:Do you hide it?: Sometimes, I mean, the scars I don't hide, but when they're fresh I do
10:Do you listen to music while you SI?: Always classical music.
11:Anyone know?: My Ex boyfriend knew, but now nobody but me
12:Eating disorder?: EDNOS
13:Mental Disorders?: Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorder, PTSD, Panic disorder
14:What would you do if you found cuts on your best friend?: Tell them to be safe about it, I can't really tell them to stop, because that would be hypocritical, but yeah.

[break the silence]

[16 Nov 2015|06:52pm]

saywecanserenad
Name? Alex
Age, Birthday? 13, June 28
Form of SI: scratching, numbing ( its complicated), burning, hitting, eating disorder.
Why do I SI? To relive pain, to feel numb and to forget about my lonliness( mostly cause my mom died)
When was my first time? What did i use? I was 12 and i used a knife and i made more of a scratch than a cut.
Where do i SI? At home mostly, in my room
In what area do i do it the most? Stomach and thighs and feet
What do i use? My hands, pencils, rubber bands, my nails, ice
Do I hide it? I try
Do I listen to music while i SI? Yes
Anyone know? Yes
Eating Disorder? Anorexia and bulimia
Mental Disorder? Bi Polar disorder, Anorexia, Bulimia, Depression,
[break the silence]

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